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Lyrics:Shaving Brush Boogie

by XTC

("hey, Gregs, pick up the old Les Paul")

Let me tell ya baby
what to do

I'll come round your house
[spunk/spoke/smoke?] in your hair
'cause I'm a moron
and I don't care

Take it down a while

("Enter Terry Chambers on the [little/bloody?] drum kit, 'ere 'ere [terrificult].
Go bloody boil, Terry. Here he goes Ladies and Gentlemen -
this is something you  don't see very often, this is Terry Chambers from  
[unintelligible...] on bloody boil.")

I'm going to tell ya about my operation ladies and gentlemen now
I was admitted
into the hospital
and I was admitted to the hospital by an ambulance 
with a siren on the top
the siren was going (guitar imitation of siren)
all the way to [the] hospital

(indistinct shouting in background) 

You're going to have to turn the drums up now for the bass player
you're going to have to turn the drums up real loud
turn up the drums for the bass player
cause he can't hear to get into this

Take it down a while

("Ahem, ahem")
To resume the story ladies and gentlemen
I was on my way to hospital
and I was in a ambulance
and the driver in the ambulance
turned round to me and he said
(quizzical guitar riff)
yes he turned round to me and he said
he said, "Son, I haven't worked on the, on the Red Cross
just to take people like you with shaving brushes stuff up, stuck up your
rectum to the hospital"
(guitar riff)
"yeah I said stuck up your rectum"
"you got a shaving brush" (riff) "shaving brush" (riff)
"you got a shaving brush stuck right up your rectum"
"and I, and I didn't join the Red Cross" (riff)
"to take people like you to hospital"
But he said (laughs), he said, he said "I kind of like your face"
(riff) "and I'm going to take you to" (riff)
"I'm going to take you to the Colostomy Ward, I'm going to take you to
Colostomy Ward, in Princess Margaret's Hospital"
yeah, it was opened in 1967, ladies and gentlemen

Yeah, we can see Princess Margaret opening this here hospital
okay Princess, open that fucking hospital baby

Okay Princess, let's take it down a while
yeah, huh, yeah

There was Princess Margaret opening a hospital there folks (giggles)
Well in any case, this hospital was opened
back in 1960-something-or-other, by Princess Marguerite
and she's really sweet you know (giggles), she really [sucks cock]
Princess Margaret [going down] on a whole damn band

Any case I was traveling in this ambulance, you know
the one what was going (guitar-siren)
all the way to the hospital, folks, yeah
and I, you know I'd been up to some real extra-marital relationships
with, you know, equipment, like uh, the shaving brush (riff)
(giggles) the shaving brush (riff)
well this was my [outing?]
and I was, I was laid out on the bed
and my brand-new wife
that's the one with the long curly hair,
she said to me "Babe I'm going to give you a real experience
with this here shaving brush" (riff)
and she took it and she stuck it in
(riff) and I... well I liked it but it was only in
having to go to Princess (riff) Margaret's (riff) hospital
baby, baby, baby
Princess Margaret's hospital opened in 1968

(someone else shouts "One, two, three, four!") 

Well for all you folks out there the record playing and [...] saga
I [got ?]
I was admitted to the Outpatients Department
and I was well and truly impaled
I said impaled
and they took me to a private booth
yeah a private booth
and a nurse came up to me
and she saw the shaving brush stickin' out
and she leaned over for some -
and she leaned right over a piece of me -
tongs, she leaned over for some tongs
and she took them tongs to the shaving brush
and pulled it out, right out
of me
I said she pulled that shaving brush right out
of me

[Crank it up]

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